OUR MISSION
Change is on the Way
WILDLY UNSTABLE WOMEN ~ Our Purpose ~
We started Wildly Unstable Women, LLC to provide a platform to encourage the voices of women and our allies. We are all survivors. We are working to survive sexism, sexual assault, harassment, violence, and systematic misogyny on a daily basis. The patriarchy is in every aspect of our lives keeping women from achieving their highest potential. Wildly Unstable Women, LLC was created out of righteous anger. Our inspiration is to Honor women and our experiences, encourage women to express our righteous anger, and support women to speak our truth to power.
Here in the United States, we have seen an increase in patriarchal authoritarianism. Male-dominated state and federal legislatures have been passing laws to control women’s bodies, diminishing female autonomy, eroding women’s reproductive rights, and thwarting progress for gender and gay equality. Every day the War on Women is escalating and women are experiencing increasing misogyny** in day-to-day life as well as on social media.
For facts about why women around the world have justified reasons to be angry about how dangerous it is to be female in a misogynist world please see below.
~OWNING OUR ANGER ~
Women have a right to be angry, we have a right to be defiant and refuse to cooperate in our oppression. Honoring our anger is healing, empowering and transformative. We won’t be silenced we will become louder. Our merchandise is not only a form of activism and protest but is meant to empower women by encouraging women to have a voice, express opinions and TAKE UP SPACE.
Co-founder, Wisa Wahosi Trudell is currently in an ongoing court case having been taken to court by one of her abusers in an attempt to control, silence, and isolate her. Her court experience is a classic form of DARVO. ( Deny, Attack, Reverse Role of Victim Offender). Ms. Wahosi Trudell learned that she was “unstable” when her abuser in court documents continually referred to her as “unstable”. Like many women before her the term “unstable”, a pejorative, is being used to denigrate, discredit and undermine her credibility with the judicial system, her family, and with 3rd parties.
Being continuously referred to as “unstable” was so ridiculously sexist and such a common and predictable retort of sexual predators, we felt driven to create merchandise in the tradition of political satire to mock its absurdity.
~Women who refuse to Conform ~
Historically, before uncontrollable women were referred to as “unstable” by misogynistic societies, women were burnt and hanged as witches. Later on, women were deemed “hysterical and disturbed” and thrown into insane asylums.
In the 19th Century, psychiatry decided that female independence was madness. Women were accused of suffering from “hysteria”; or being mentally disturbed if they were disinterested in marriage, didn’t conform to the traditional image of womanhood, or dared to advocate for the right to vote or receive an education. Many women labeled as suffering from hysteria were institutionalized, where they were abused. If the “unstable” women resisted treatment they were force-fed, and female patients were forbidden to speak, read, write, or even sew.
Women are still encountering damaging and sexist stereotypes when they ask institutions and individuals for accountability. Since the MeToo movement, there has been societal backlash when women have come forward to accuse powerful men and their enablers. Many victims who have tried to use the judicial system to receive justice have found that their mental and emotional health is weaponized against them as a way to deflect from the action of their abuser. The gaslighting of uncontrollable women has been refined. Psychologist, researcher, and founder of Sexual Violence & Institutional Courage, Jennifer Freyd coined the term “DARVO” to explain a common manipulation strategy of abusers. First abusers Deny the abuse ever took place, next they Attack their Victim. Lastly, they Reverse their roles and lie, claiming to be the legitimate victim, with the victim falsely accused of being an Offender.
Calling women “unstable”, “crazy”, “hysterical”, and “mental” is a form of abuse and is DARVO. We have been DARVO’d long enough! Wildly Unstable Women LLC took back the patriarchal code word that is meant to hurt us, gaslight us, steal our power away from us, and we transformed the term “Unstable” to represent our empowerment. We are Wildly Unstable Women, who will not be controlled, and who will not comply with the misogynistic rules of the patriarchy. We will take up space and use our voices. We rebel and resist, we are defiant, we object and hold opinions, and we challenge. We are unstable to the patriarchy because we exist.
Come be Unstable with us…together we can harass the patriarchy.
***Doctor Julie Suk, the author of “After Misogyny: How the Law Fails Women and What to Do About it”, defines misogyny as; “not only hatred of women but the systematic undervaluing of women and not just undervaluing but undervaluing in ways that benefit everyone else and particularly a society controlled by men”.
AWARENESS
Five essential facts to know about femicide
UN WOMEN November 2022
www.unwomen.org
Gender-related killings (femicide/feminicide) are the most brutal and extreme manifestation of a continuum of violence against women and girls that takes many interconnected and overlapping forms. Defined as an intentional killing with a gender-related motivation, femicide may be driven by stereotyped gender roles, discrimination towards women and girls, unequal power relations between women and men, or harmful social norms. Despite decades of activism from women’s rights organizations as well as growing awareness and action from Member States, the available evidence shows that progress in stopping such violence has been deeply inadequate.
With the aim of galvanizing global action against this all too pervasive crime, in line with the vision of the Generation Equality Forum action coalitions, UNODC and UN Women have joined forces to produce the second edition of a report on gender-related killings of women and girls. Released ahead of the International Day for the Elimination of Violence against Women and the 16 Days of Activism against Gender-Based Violence, the report’s chilling findings add heightened urgency to an existing global emergency.
Here are 5 key findings:
Five essential facts to know about femicide
1. WOMEN AND GIRLS ARE MOST LIKELY TO BE KILLED BY THOSE CLOSEST TO THEM. 2. FEMICIDE IS A UNIVERSAL PROBLEM. 3. THE TRUE SCALE OF FEMICIDE IS LIKELY MUCH HIGHER. 4. MARGINALIZED WOMEN AND GIRLS FACE GREATER RISK. 5. FEMICIDE CAN AND MUST BE PREVENTED.
1. Women and girls are most likely to be killed by those closest to them.
In 2021, around 45,000 women and girls worldwide were killed by their intimate partners or other family members (including fathers, mothers, uncles, and brothers). This means that, on average, more than five women or girls are killed every hour by someone in their own family. Current and former intimate partners are by far the most likely perpetrators of femicide, accounting for an average of 65 percent of all intimate partner and family-related killings.
The numbers of intimate partner and family-related killings have remained relatively stable over time—indicating that the world is failing to stop deaths that could be prevented through early intervention, gender-responsive policing and justice, and access to survivor-centered support and protection.
2. Femicide is a universal problem.
Like all forms of gender-based violence against women and girls, femicide is a problem that affects every country and territory across the globe. According to the new report, in 2021, Asia recorded the largest number of female intimate partner and family-related killings with an estimated 17,800 victims; followed by 17,200 in Africa; 7,500 in the Americas; 2,500 in Europe; and 300 in Oceania.
Adjusted for total population size, the available data shows that, in 2021, 2.5 women and girls per 100,000 were killed by an intimate partner or family member in Africa; compared with 1.4 in the Americas; 1.2 in Oceania; 0.8 in Asia; and 0.6 in Europe.
3. The true scale of femicide is likely much higher.
While the numbers presented in the report are alarmingly high, they are the tip of the iceberg. Too many victims of femicide still go uncounted: for roughly four in ten intentional murders of women and girls in 2021, there is not enough information to identify them as gender-related killings because of national variation in criminal justice recording and investigation practices.
In many cases, only gender-related killings perpetrated by an intimate partner or family member are counted as femicides—yet we know that gender-related killings take place in many contexts beyond the private sphere. They can be related to rape or sexual violence by someone unknown to the victim; linked to harmful practices such as female genital mutilation or so-called “honour”-based violence; a result of hate crimes linked to sexual orientation or gender identity; or connected with armed conflict, gangs, human trafficking and other forms of organized crime.
Ensuring the availability of comprehensive disaggregated data is critical to strengthening femicide prevention, protection and response measures, as well as access to justice. To help move beyond the current limitations in data collection, UNODC and UN Women recently developed the Statistical framework for measuring the gender-related killing of women and girls (“femicide/feminicide”), approved by the United Nation’s Statistical Commission in March 2022.
4. Marginalized women and girls face greater risk.
There continue to be significant limitations in data and information on gender-related killings of marginalized groups. For instance, the women’s rights organization MundoSur analyzed data portals of 12 Latin American countries and found that only one country collects information on whether the victim had a disability or was pregnant; two countries collect data on the victim’s ethnic identity; and three countries record whether the victim was a migrant.
Despite data limitations, the available evidence from Canada and Australia suggests that indigenous women are disproportionately affected by gender-related killings. At 4.3 per 100,000 women and girls, the rate of female homicide in Canada was five times higher among indigenous than among non-indigenous women and girls in 2021.
To prevent femicide, it is crucial that national authorities record comprehensive data on victims. By identifying women and girls at greater risk, countries can better inform prevention and protection mechanisms.
5. Femicide can and must be prevented.
Gender-related killings and other forms of violence against women and girls are not inevitable. They can and must be prevented through primary prevention initiatives focused on transforming harmful social norms and engaging whole communities and societies to create zero tolerance for violence against women; early intervention and risk assessment; and access to survivor-centered support and protection as well as gender-responsive policing and justice services.
National experiences, for example in South Africa, strongly suggest that substantive and sustained decreases in femicide can be achieved through comprehensive laws and policies aimed at preventing gender-based violence against women, firearms control legislation, and activism of women’s rights and community-based groups.
More research is required to better understand what is driving increased femicide in certain contexts, and what factors have enabled decreases in others to better inform prevention strategies.
Women’s rights organizations play a crucial role in preventing violence against women and girls, driving policy change, holding governments to account, and providing critical survivor-centered services. Strengthening financial support to and partnership with women’s rights organizations is critical in reducing and preventing gender-related killings and all forms of gender-based violence against women and girls.
In the face of a global pushback against women’s rights, protecting women and girls from violence is getting even more challenging. From regressive laws exacerbating impunity for domestic violence perpetrators to the use of force against femicide and gender-based violence protestors and the growing marginalization of women’s rights organizations, women and girls are often being denied justice, protection, and support.
Against the pushback, we push forward. This 16 Days, we’re calling on everyone to join us in the fight against gender-based violence. From amplifying the voices of survivors and activists to supporting women’s organizations and strengthening feminist movements, here are 10 ways you can act now: https://www.unwomen.org/en/news-stories/feature-story/2022/11/push-forward-10-ways-to-end-violence-against-women
STATISTICS THAT SHOULD MAKE YOU ANGRY
Violence Against Women in the United States: Statistics
Despite the fact that advocacy groups like NOW have worked for over three decades to halt the epidemic of gender-based violence and sexual assault, the numbers are still shocking. It is time to renew our national pledge, from the President and Congress on down to City Councils all across the nation to END violence against women and men, girls and boys. This effort must also be carried on in workplaces, schools, churches, locker rooms, the military, and in courtrooms, law enforcement, entertainment, and the media. NOW pledges to continue our work to end this violence and we hope you will join us in our work.
MURDER
In 2005, 1,181 women were murdered by an intimate partner.
1. That’s an average of three women every day. Of all the women murdered in the U.S., about one-third were killed by an intimate partner.
2. DOMESTIC VIOLENCE (Intimate Partner Violence or Battering)
Domestic violence can be defined as a pattern of abusive behavior in any relationship that is used by one partner to gain or maintain power and control over an intimate partner.
3. According to the National Center for Injury Prevention and Control, women experience about 4.8 million intimate partner-related physical assaults and rapes every year.
4 Less than 20 percent of battered women sought medical treatment following an injury.
5. SEXUAL VIOLENCE
According to the National Crime Victimization Survey, which includes crimes that were not reported to the police, 232,960 women in the U.S. were raped or sexually assaulted in 2006. That’s more than 600 women every day.
6. Other estimates, such as those generated by the FBI, are much lower because they rely on data from law enforcement agencies. A significant number of crimes are never even reported for reasons that include the victim’s feeling that nothing can/will be done and the personal nature of the incident.
7. THE TARGETS
Young women, low-income women, and some minorities are disproportionately victims of domestic violence and rape. Women ages 20-24 are at greatest risk of nonfatal domestic violence.
8.and women age 24 and under suffer from the highest rates of rape.
9 . The Justice Department estimates that one in five women will experience rape or attempted rape during their college years and that less than five percent of these rapes will be reported.
10 . Income is also a factor: the poorer the household, the higher the rate of domestic violence — with women in the lowest income category experiencing more than six times the rate of nonfatal intimate partner violence as compared to women in the highest income category.
11. When we consider race, we see that African-American women face higher rates of domestic violence than white women, and American-Indian women are victimized at a rate more than double that of women of other races.
12. IMPACT ON CHILDREN
According to the Family Violence Prevention Fund, “growing up in a violent home may be a terrifying and traumatic experience that can affect every aspect of a child’s life, growth, and development. . . . children who have been exposed to family violence suffer symptoms of post-traumatic stress disorder, such as bed-wetting or nightmares, and were at greater risk than their peers of having allergies, asthma, gastrointestinal problems, headaches, and flu.” In addition, women who experience physical abuse as children are at a greater risk of victimization as adults, and men have a far greater (more than double) likelihood of perpetrating abuse.
13. IMPACT ON HEALTH AND SOCIAL SERVICES
The Centers for Disease Control estimates that the cost of domestic violence in 2003 was more than over $8.3 billion. This cost includes medical care, mental health services, and lost productivity.
14. LEGISLATION
In 1994, the National Organization for Women, the NOW Legal Defense and Education Fund (now called Legal Momentum), the Feminist Majority, and other organizations finally secured passage of the Violence Against Women Act, which provided a record-breaking $1.6 billion to address issues of violence against women.
15 . However it took nearly an additional year to force the Newt Gingrich-led Congress to release the funding. An analysis estimated that in the first six years after VAWA was passed, nearly $14.8 billion was saved in net averted social costs.
16. VAWA was reauthorized in 2005, with nearly $4 billion in funding over five years.
17. VIOLENCE BETWEEN SAME-SEX COUPLES
According to the National Coalition of Anti-Violence Programs, “domestic violence affecting LGBT individuals continues to be grossly underreported . . . there is a lack of awareness and denial about the existence of this type of violence and its impact, both by LGBT people and non-LGBT people alike.
18. Myths regarding gender roles perpetuate the silence surrounding these abusive relationships; for example, the belief that there aren’t abusive lesbian relationships because women don’t abuse each other. Shelters are often unequipped to handle the needs of lesbians (as a women-only shelter isn’t much defense against a female abuser), and transgendered individuals. Statistics regarding domestic violence against LGBT people are unavailable at the national level, but as regional studies demonstrate, domestic
violence is as much a problem within LGBT communities as it is among heterosexual ones.
Abusive Men Describe the Benefits of Violence
By Chuck Derry
For many years, I facilitated court-mandated groups for men who batter. In the early 1980s, we were concentrating on healthy relationship skills building, emotional identification and self-control, and anger management, among other related issues. Then battered women in Duluth, Minnesota, began gathering to discuss the impact of the violence on their lives. What emerged was that the men who beat them not only physically assaulted them, but also controlled where they went, who they talked to, what they wore, where they worked, if they worked, how the money was spent, when, with whom, and how they had sex, how the kids were raised, how the domestic labor was split in the household. You get the picture. Basically, the men got to control the women to get what the men wanted… and the threat and use of violence was the bottom line that ensured it would happen.
Now I was training men in weekly groups at the time to use assertiveness when in conflict with their wives or girlfriends, teaching them how to access and express their feelings appropriately. Then I would send them home to practice. The next week they would come back and report that their new assertiveness “skills” weren’t working. I asked them why, and they would say, “Because she still did A, B, C, and D and would not do E, F, and G.” Which is what he wanted. I began then to slowly understand that I was teaching men multiple personal life skills and they were simply using those skills in attempts to control women even more effectively.
So what was the point? Why were they so invested in this controlling and abusive behavior?
One night I started the group by asking the men what they thought the benefits were of their violence. At first they all looked at each other (notably) and said, “There are no benefits.” This did not surprise me, as men who batter routinely deny their actions—as they deny their intents as well. So I said, “Well, there must be some benefits from the violence; otherwise why would you do it?” They looked at each other again and then one guy started admitting there were benefits, and then they all chimed in until the four-by-eight-foot blackboard I was writing their responses on was full.
Here is a list of the benefits they cited (until we ran out of space):
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She’s scared and won’t go out and spend money
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Get your way: go out
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Respect
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She won’t argue
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Feeling superior: she’s accountable to me in terms of being somewhere on time: I decide
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Keeps relationship going—she’s too scared to leave
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Get the money
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Get sex
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Total control in decision making
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Use money for drugs
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Don’t have to change for her
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Power
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Decide where to go (as a couple)
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Who to see
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What to wear
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Control the children
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If she’s late, she won’t be again
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Intimidation
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She’s scared & can’t confront me
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Can convince her she’s screwin’ up
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She feels less worthy so defers to my needs and wants
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She will look up to me and accept my decisions without an argument
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Decide her social life—what she wears so you can keep your image by how she acts
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She’s to blame for the battering
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She’s an object
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(I get) a robot babysitter, maid, sex, food
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Ego booster
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She tells me I’m great
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Bragging rights
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If she works—get her money
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Get her to quit job so she can take care of house
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Isolate her so friends can’t confront me
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Decide how money is spent
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“I’m breadwinner”
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Buy the toys I want
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Take time for myself
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She has to depend on me if I break her stuff
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I get to know everything
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She’s a nurse-maid
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She comforts me
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Supper on the table
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Invite friends over w/o her knowin’ = more work for her
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No compromise = more freedom
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Don’t have to listen to her complaints for not letting her know stuff
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She works for me
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I don’t have to help out
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I don’t have to hang out with her or kids
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Determine what values kids have—who they play with, what school they go to or getting to ignore the process—dictating what they “need” food, clothes, recreation, etc.
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Dictate reality, etc.
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Kids on my side against her
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Kids do what I say
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Mold kids/her so that they will help do what I should do
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Keeps kids quiet about abuse
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Don’t have to get up, take out garbage, watch kids, do dishes, get up at night with kids, do laundry, change diapers, clean house, bring kids to appointments or activities, mop floors, clean refrigerator, etc.
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Answer to nobody
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Do what you want, when you want to
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Get to ignore/deny your history of violence and other irresponsible behavior
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Get to write history
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Get to determine future
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Choose battles & what it will cost her
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Proves your superiority
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Win all the arguments
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Don’t have to listen to her wishes, complaints, anger, fears, etc.
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Make the rules then break them when you want
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So she won’t get help against you for past beatings because she has no friends to support her and she is confused by my lies
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Convince her she’s nuts
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Convince her she’s unattractive
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Convince her she’s to blame
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Convince her she’s the problem
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I can dump on her
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Can use kids to “spy” on mom
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Kids won’t tell mom what I did
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Kids won’t disagree with me
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Don’t have to talk to her
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I’m king of the castle
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Can make yourself scarce
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Have someone to unload on
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Have someone to bitch at
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She won’t call police
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Tell kids don’t have to listen to mom
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Get her to drop charges
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Get her to support me to her family, my family, cops, judge, SCIP, prosecutors, etc.
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Get her to admit it’s her fault
The first time I did this exercise I looked at the blackboard and I thought, “Oh my God. Why would they give it up?” I then decided to ask the men: Why give it up? They then filled a two-by-two foot space on the blackboard with things like, “get arrested,” “divorce,” “get protection orders taken out against you,” “adult kids don’t invite you to their weddings,” “have to go to groups like this.” That was about it.
This was the first time I fully comprehended the necessity of a consistent coordinated community response through the criminal, civil, and family court systems which can mete out safe and effective interventions that hold men who batter accountable while preserving the safety of the women, girls, and boys they abuse. It was on that day that I realized if I had to choose between providing batterer groups for men who batter or a consistently effective criminal and civil/family court response to domestic violence, I would choose the criminal and civil/family court response every time. There are just too many benefits gained from this behavior.
After that first time asking the men about the benefits of their violence, I began to be much more effective in my work. It was astounding how dramatically the groups changed once I acknowledged and remembered that the violence was functional— and that was why they used it.
Chuck Derry is director of the Gender Violence Institute (genderviolenceinstitute. org) in Clearwater, Minnesota, a founding member of the North American MenEngage Network (NAMEN), and a member of the board of the global MenEngage Global Alliance. He can be reached at gvi@frontiernet.net. © 2015, Gender Violence Institute.